Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me, Guess I'll Go Put On Some Cherry-Flavored Lip Gloss and Suck Dick

I've been having a busy few days. In no particular order, here's some things that have been bugging me lately in my small-minded, petty way:

1) The fact that more people like to spin their focus on how "dumb" Britney Spears is as opposed to how big of an asshole Matt Lauer is;
2) Why "size 36" men's shorts are considered to be "small" and yet are apparently bigger than the "large" version of that shorts for women, which is the very large size 14 at my local outlet department store;
3) And why is it that those shorts for men cost $25 and the women's cost $35;
4) And why the women's shorts don't have cargo pockets, when they are clearly needed;
5) The unfairness of having to spend my tip money buying khaki shorts for my new job;
6) And why I can't be on the blogosphere for more than thirty seconds before I'm accused of converting the young, impressionable minds who read this blog (all three of you) into becoming lesbians. I am also responsible for the downfall of feminism, and apparently don't want men (straight, I assume) to call themselves feminists or fight for feminist rights. No kidding, I thought that would take at least a month. I am totally flattered that my meanity has already been discussed and digested into such sweeping provocation. Be still, my heart.

If I were mean* or at least a masochist, I would point out some things I find perplexing or, at least, inconsistent, in this blogger's diatribe. But really, far be it for me to pass judgment on someone's rant in response to something I didn't actually say, which from what I gather, is something like, "Don't call yourself a feminist if you suck dick and like it." This might encourage more discussion on the topic of this sexual practice that I, for one, would like to avoid. It's becoming daunting entering certain comments' threads. Here's a tip: if you wouldn't tell your best friends the kind of details you tell to relative strangers on the internet, OMG, don't. My best friend and blogging partner, the mostly heterosexual Vicky Vengeance, doesn't even provide me with as much detail as I've read in this latest drama-fest. That's because we respect each other's gag reflexes, so to speak. Oh damn, look at me, talking about what I said I wasn't going to, making bad puns. Guess I AM a hypocrite.

But to answer one question: yes, celibates are uber-feminists. Particularly the uber-feminist ones. Next week, I'll tell you about how joining a convent is the most under-rated feminist choice of all time. I might link you some choice options.

*Meaner than I already am, anyway. Some people appear to be busily trying to one-up me in the mean department, which personally offends me, but politically makes me glad and feel like I may be on to something with this "mean feminism" movement, if it were something that I felt like I should make into a movement, which I don't.