You All Can Blow Me. Or Not.

Much ado about Twisty's latest drama-fest at I Blame the Patriarchy. Basically, Twisty says that blowjobs are gross, and that women don't like them. People have maintained that Twisty was just having fun and expected her readership to laugh politely and go, "Oh, Twisty." But maybe Twisty hasn't noticed that she is apparently the most read feminist blog online, or something.

Everyone who has been criticizing Twisty, in their varying ways, thinks they're being controversial or whatever, but, uh, they're not. Wow, challenging a minority opinion! You're a big kid now!

At first, I admit, I wasn't too keen on this new argument. Not because I disagreed, but because I really kind of thought this was just done to stir up some shit. And then I remembered, wait, I'm a mean feminist, I should be supporting this! Identity re-realized, I decided to rededicate myself to meanity anew. (But whew! That was a close call! The nice feminists almost has me, there!)

Mostly, people don't like Twisty's (totally right-on, in my book) opinion because it insinuates that there's nothing feminist about being a heterosexual. To which I counter with, "duh." Isn't that obviously true, gang? Heterosexuality is NOT implicitly feminist. In fact, you could argue that heterosexuality is implicity sexist, but I'm not. I think heterosexuality, while never having the ability to be feminist, can certainly be non-sexist.

Yeah, it's "easier" for us lesbians, in this one tiny bit of feminist discourse (as opposed to how it's easier for heterosexuals, everywhere else, in all contexts). I'm sex-critical, gang. So you know what, I'm not going to conclude that all sex practices are okay and non-sexist. I'm not going to conclude that any way you get off is super fine. I'm not going to call orgasms feminist liberation this morning. So yeah, there are ways of having sex which are not feminist, and there are ways of having sex which are feminist.

As always, as with anything I have ever said on the webz about pornography, prostitution, BDSM, stripping, makeup, shaving, bra-wearing, and so forth: no one can do everything perfectly feminist (or even non-sexist) in their life all the time. We are human, and we are victimized 24/7 by a horrific patriarchy that does not allow us to make any pro-feminist decision without scads of backlash. It is not right to tell a woman that she must choose to make only pro-feminist decisions at the expense of her sanity and health.

In my book, there's nothing hypocritical about being a feminist and making sexist choices (if you are female) because I don't blame the victim (women) for not being able to live an ideal, sexism-free life because for most (if not all) of us, that is just impossible. You do the best you can do.

What I DO object to is pretending sexist practices are feminist. Maybe blowjobs are a sexist practice all the time, though I think it's possible that they differ on context. They're certainly not pro-feminist, however, so let's stop pretending that they are. Let's stop pretending that everything a feminist does for pleasure is somehow feminist.

And most of all, please people, stop pretending as though Twisty or ANY sex-critical individual has the power in feminism, not you. Whoever defends the practices/ideals of the mainstream is always the one with the power. And whoever defends the idea that sexual liberation means doing whatever you want sexually, is defending the ideals of the mainstream. And what's the mainstream ruled by? I'll give you a hint: it starts with a "p." Vicky has pointed out to me that most of the bad things in the world start with a "p" so really, if we were really radical, we should get rid of "p"-words all together. But I'm not a letter blamer, so we'll hold off on that for now.