Grunts and Postures

So, since I have nothing to do at work right now until school gets back in session, I've spent most of today reading some of the archives of Holla Back NYC and mulling over the whole issue of street harassment. Like every other woman on the planet, I've experienced my fair share of it. Guys whistling and shouting something that sounded sort of like "banana taco head" out of their car windows, the scary homeless guy who follows you around muttering obscenities, the 40 year old shopkeeper who kept asking how old you are (15) and if you'd like to go clubbing with him (fuck no), the bad feelings you get in your stomach when you get "that look" on the bus or just around certain guys anywhere. Over time I've learned to give the finger and a witty remark with the best of them which does make me feel better, but I still end up chewing on a nice, gristly chunk of anger and fear with a garnish of shame. Yum yum.

One of the things that a couple of the women mention in the blog is that when you're harassed on the street it's hard to tell if a guy is dangerous or just dangerously clueless. Some men think this attention is flattering and it can be easy to feel like you should be flattered. I mean, someone in possession of a cock has actually noticed you! Hark! He hath deigned to proposition thee! I forget which bad ass feminist said this particular quote, but it's stuck with me for a while: Women fear being physically attacked by men and men fear being laughed at. Street harassment is a perfect snapshot of how those fears play out. The moment a man catcalls me I feel that fear of being assaulted bristle to the front of my brain, but handily enough, it seems like the best defense IS often to laugh at them or make fun of them, which the girls at Holla do such a good job at. But it remains an annoying juxtaposition; to think that while I'm left to worry about my basic physical safety, there's a lot of men more concerned about their egos getting bruised.

Getting back to the dangerously clueless end of the street harasser spectrum of awful though, it brings to mind a particular problem I've come across often in my travels. I have a lot of geek pride (Re: comic book entry of a few weeks ago), so I happen to be friends with a lot of geeky boys that can be real sexists simply because they don't actually KNOW any women besides their mom or their sister. One of these geeky boys once mentioned to me that when a major American science foundation was first getting started, they talked about whether or not they should let women in and they decided not to. They came to this decision not because they didn't think women were fit to join, but because they were afraid of them. They were literally just afraid to interact with women. Whether this story is true or not, it serves as a good example of what I see going on with some street harassment. While most of the guys out there who do it seem like the drunken frat boy type, at least some of these guys just can't actually communicate with women and to make up for that they heckle. 'Cause, you know, yelling an obscenity at someone is JUST LIKE talking to them. And if the woman feels intimidated all the better because they certainly feel intimidated by women ALL THE TIME. This is the type who, when you actually turn around and confront them, will get this look of sheer terror on their face that screams, "Oh my God she's talking to me! Eeeeeeeeeee!"

The thing that really makes me sad about geeky boys is that often the whole reason they are so insecure, is that they aren't the paragons of masculinity patriarchy tells them they're supposed to be and that a lot of women expect them to be. Which isn't to say their behavior is justified or excusable, but I see where it comes from and it's too damn bad that we live in a culture where I see smart men doing such stupid stupid things.